are really starting to tick me off.

Seriously. 90% of what I’m reading says, in so many words:

“Tumblr is OUR place. Stop trying to bring in other people to OUR place. And never change OUR place into THEIR place too.”

It’s really fucking annoying to see a site used by thousands of people essentially marginalized into “a place for US.” Especially when a good, large percentage of Tumblr users, like myself, don’t necessarily fall into the “US” category. And reading people saying that Tumblr is THEIR place also makes people like myself feel excluded. I’m not a content creator, and I’m not Tumblr-famous - does that make me less important or less dedicated to this site? Those claims just make Tumblr on whole look bad and close-minded.

Grow up. Seriously. Tumblr has a business side - it’s not your damn playroom. It’s on the Internet for Christ’s sake - when has ANYTHING on the Internet been claimable by users? Get some better arguments other than selfish rationales and then we can talk.

Bottom line - there’s a dozen good reasons why Tumblr shouldn’t be bought by Yahoo or most other companies, but conceited assholes feeling that they have a right to Tumblr’s space and wanting their place to be closed off from everyone they don’t like… that is most certainly NOT a good reason.

Something inside of me.

I don’t know if I’d call it power. But I know it’s enough to destroy armies.

I don’t know if I’d call it intelligence. But it’s enough to unravel every mystery.

I don’t know if I’d call it leadership. But it’s enough to lead an entire nation.

I don’t know if I’d call it cunning. But it’s enough to conquer the world.

I don’t know if I’d call it emotion. But it’s more intense than anything I’ve ever felt.

I don’t know if I’d call it magic. But it’s enough to make me believe in a fantasy.

I don’t know what exists inside of me. All I can say is that I feel it. It comes and goes, every once in a while. It is an endless surge of what I can only describe as “strength,” in a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual way. Something great. Something big. Something.

I have always considered myself special. Things happen to me that I can’t explain. Coincidences too perfect to be random. Luck too common to be chance. And then there’s this Something. This abstraction that I think or KNOW makes me special, if I could only know it more.

But see, it is also it’s own barrier. The other side of the coin. The side I understand TOO well. It is what restricts my emotions. What drives me away from subjectivity. And every time I feel this well up inside me, my emotions stir within. Tears form in my eyes. And every time, without fail, my mind rejects the release. I push back this Something to the depths I cannot reach.

I wonder. It makes me wonder. I wonder if it is good. I wonder if it is bad. I wonder if I would choose to release it. I wonder if I am capable of something great. I wonder if I’ll ever BE something great. I wonder… I wonder if I’ll ever stop wondering.

It is a word. But it is also much more than a word. I know, because I can feel it. But all I can say about it is..

It is Something. And I just wish I knew what.

Something that I just found kinda funny.

A lot of people have yelled at me from time to time about certain choices or beliefs that I have. They attack my beliefs/choices and defend themselves and their point of view so strongly, etc.etc. Politics is a big one - certain political beliefs and the fact that I didn’t vote last year, for examples. Other life choices, like the fact that I’m supposed to be “making friends and connections in college” are also good ones.

But the funny thing that -I- realize when I make these decisions - 60 years from now, when I’m 80+, retired, and doing nothing but sitting and thinking, I’m going to remember a lot of stuff. And I’m going to realize that 90% of the things I did/said now, didn’t matter that much. My one vote last year would have only lasted 4 years. My career path will likely not depend on any college connections. I will likely move out of state - any NC-College friends will likely be lost.

So, looking at the reverse: it’s funny to see people up-in-arms over what they think is important NOW. Tumblr is an endless source of this. I find it funny because some of the people I follow will NEVER be in a position to change things, by their nature alone. And some of them don’t use their head AT ALL on the things they “want to change.” It’s funny, because when I think about what THEY will be thinking about when THEY are 80… How stupid will they feel, investing in something that never mattered, or that never changed. How pointless will their emotions be in retrospect?

I’m a cynic. But I wonder if this makes me sadistic at all. Hm.

It isn’t that it hurts, or even that I’m suffering.

It’s just that with everything that happens, there’s only so much I can do.

And then I’m left staying up late, wondering if there was something I should have done different.

The stress and lack of schedule flexibility don’t help either. And that’s putting it lightly.

/sigh. I may not be the worst off, and people everywhere might have it worse… but what I wouldn’t give for time, or for peace of mind.

If only just to make things seem a little better.

So, Halo 4 has been one disappointment after another. 343 Industries, the company that took Halo over from Bungie, consistently made mistakes upon it’s release. They gave out premium content for free, angering those who pre-paid for the release. Numerous bugs were found in the content they gave out, and they were forced to callback the first major DLC pack from hundreds of players, retroactively calling it a “trial.” Screw-up was the more technical term.

These disappointments culminated in the dropping of Halo from Major League Gaming, mainly due to the fact that it was no longer competitive enough or interactive enough to hold gamer’s views. Originally, I was on the fence about the news… until I hit the level cap. Suddenly, the game just lost all interest. I continued to play Spartan Ops in Single Player, but that soon ended and I was left with nothing.

The last saving grace to me was the three Map Packs I had bought in advance. Each Map Pack contained three new maps to play multiplayer on, and each came with it’s own set of achievements. I had hoped that these new challenges would drive me back into the game, at least for some time.

I was terribly, terribly wrong.

I have no clue what 343 Industries was thinking! Each map pack actually ENCOURAGED people to find ways to cheat the system - to boost with friends or to find some cheap and easy way to attain the achievements. It wasn’t about skill at all! It was about catching the enemy in the right position at the right time, or just grinding it out for a while. Lemme break it down:

Map Pack 1: 2 easy, 2 grindy, 3 challenging, 1 glitched.
Challenging ones can all be gotten with ease with a partner. I completed it solo in 3 days.

Map Pack 2: 6 easy short grinds, 3 challenging
Same as above, only worse with the introduction of a Free-For-All gametype - making it incredibly easy to have a friend “help.” I completed it in 2 days.

Map Pack 3: 7 easy, 1 grind, 1 impossible
In one hour, I got the 7 easy ones. The grind one takes time, and the impossible one I’ll get to. The Free-For-All playlist doesn’t apply, otherwise they are ALL easy.

The one impossible achievement requires an enemy to be using one of the worst items in the game, and you have to catch them and stab them from behind while they use it. The item is terrible, but at it’s best it is only good to use in short bursts, namely to STOP people from stabbing you from behind. Essentially, if you could ever find someone using this item, they are fully equipped to stop you from getting the achievement. So… You basically HAVE to grind for it.

But see, ALL of these things took almost no time at all to complete! Achievements should be about pushing your skill to the max. They should give you limiting criteria that hinders your skill, not stupid “get x kills with y weapon,” “use z thing 10 times,” or “catch an enemy doing -thingtheyneverdo-” These aren’t REAL achievements. It’s just stupid to think that they are.

I think I’m retiring Halo for now. 343 Industries is already working on Halo 5… I’m not so sure if I’ll be as hyped to pick it up as I was with this. I don’t think it was worth the money… It didn’t last, the gameplay was mediocre, and the sheer amount of disappointments… Just not worth it.

Guess who isn’t sleeping tonight

Oh, it’s the same person who might get called in for a seven hour shift tomorrow…

And the same one who planned on staying up late tomorrow.

/sigh

Nope. Done. Never again.

For those that don’t know, Assassin’s Creed 4 was announced recently. And… I’m completely done with the series now. No more. I can’t take it any more.

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How can a simple sentence really hurt that bad?

I guess part of it is who said it. I guess part of it is the context. I guess part of it is that I’m pretty sure it’s true. I guess part of it is that there’s no logic involved in such a basic thing. It’s not like “Oh, I slipped up, but there was this and that and it’s all just really complicated.” It’s just a stated fact, nothing more nothing less. Like “The sky is blue.” -> “You fucked up.” Simple as that.

/sigh. I don’t know right now. Tried to relax, but it ended up being a distraction and nothing more. The second the distraction ends the thoughts come back.

Maybe I do have anxiety, and I’m just able to fight it off better. Fuck it, I don’t know. I’m off to bed. Night Tumblr.

I’ve been in a kind of rut lately on this topic. I’ll begin this rant with this:

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is losing control.

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